Today’s Humor

Via Jay Leno:

Well, Democrats are furious, they’re going on record now saying John Edwards will not be allowed to speak at the convention because of this affair. Yeah, instead speaking in his place: Bill Clinton. You have to put your foot down. … In an interview recorded by the BBC in Africa, Bill Clinton told people in Africa to practice monogamy and that we need to control unprotected sexual relations with unlimited numbers of partners. In fact, the minute he said that, the Secret Service wrestled him to the ground and said, “Who are you and what have you done with the real Bill Clinton?”

Leftists Edwards Defenses

Just going to try and keep track of the stupidest that I find.

Let’s start with the “everybody in America is a cheat” theme:

You see, John Edwards may be unique in having had the opportunity to run for president of the United States, but his affair puts him on a par with the majority of the American public. The fact that we stop to gawk at him underscores our similarity to a herd of zebras, while our holier-than-thou looks of disdain uncover our propensity for self-forgiving double standards.

Yeah.  Right.  A majority of Americans have cheated on their spouses?  I call Barbra Striesand on that one.  And while we know that Democrat Presidents cheating on their wives is standard – its the whole “elect me President because my wife is dying of cancer” meme that he ran his whole campaign on that gives this a bit more of the hypocrite stink than normal.  As in high-diving into the cesspit and drinking deeply.

Of course there is the ‘nothing personal should be reported‘ theme:

Speaking only for myself- who cares? What people do in their personal lives is between them and the other people in their personal lives.

Wouldn’t it be better if we all stood together and said he never should have been asked about it in the first place? That it shouldn’t be a political factor? That it’s up to us to try to change that dynamic? As long as we are afraid of and submit to the politics of personal lives, we allow such politics to persist and prevail.

Unless the personal life is one that is of a conservative, of course.  But sure – why don’t you just go ahead and change all of humanity so nobody cares about other people’s personal lives.  Why don’t you get Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and Paris Hilton working on that one?  But then, who would give a crap about these airheads if people didn’t obsess about other people’s personal lives.  Maybe one of those things that people do?

And knowing how you live your personal life does tend to give some insight in how you will conduct your professional one.  As in Clinton would throw anyone and anything over the side in order to further his personal power – whereas George W Bush has stuck to his view on Iraq regardlesss of how much you liars beat him up?

The ever-popular – its all HER fault defense:

Monday’s CBS Early Show, came up with a list of excuses for John Edwards cheating on his wife, including co-host Harry Smith suggesting that the woman Edwards had the affair with, Rielle Hunter, targeted the former Senator: “This woman in question has a very interesting history…knowing her as this kind of bar fly who had this kind of crazy past… From reading everything I read it seemed to me that she targeted Edwards.”

it was the fault of the cancer defense:

In the later segment, during the 7:30am half hour, Smith talked to psychologists Robi Ludwig, from Cookie magazine, and Frank Farley, from Temple University. Smith began by posing the question: “Why do politicians like John Edwards risk their careers by having extramarital affairs?” Ludwig decided to blame Elizabeth Edwards’s cancer: “What was the trigger? So I wonder if there was something about his wife’s illness that somehow got him to cheat or contributed at least.”

the “he was afraid of losing his wife” defense:

Ludwig replied: “Well, you know, I think that we get so caught up in good or bad, you know. Is somebody a good person or a bad person. Cheating is wrong…But I think that there are multiple factors. Was he doing it because he had a fear of losing his wife? I mean, there are lots of different reasons.” Smith then conceded: “No, I hear that…there may be legitimacy to that.”

the “he just couldn’t help himself” defense:

“It’s possible he couldn’t stop himself, in the sense. You know? The career of politics involves all sorts of change, variety, novelty, risk, uncertainty. They tend to be natural rule-breakers, these — the folks who go in there, you know. If they followed the strict rules, they’d have a 9:00 to 5:00 ordinary job.”

Then there is the “no big deal” defense:

you’d think JE was the first politician to have an affair, when they’ve been doing it for thousands of years.

Is it wrong? Yes. Does it erase all the good things about JE? No.

He’s not evil. He just made a huge mistake. It’s one he should have to pay consequences for, but it’s certainly not an unforgivable sin.

It’s just a mistake.  Like when you are driving down the road and you take the wrong turn.  And then you actively seek out some blonde bimbo, take off her clothes and have sex with her and create a baby and lie to your wife and family and country and pay her hush money and get your aide to say he’s the father and pay heaven knows how much money to this tart to get HER to refuse to take a DNA test so the lie on the child will not come back to you.  Just a mistake like that.

John Edwards Love Child – Updates

The LA Times orders a gag on all its blogs about it:

From: “Pierce, Tony”

Date: July 24, 2008 10:54:41 AM PDT

To: [XXX]

Subject: john edwards

Hey bloggers,

There has been a little buzz surrounding John Edwards and his alleged affair. Because the only source has been the National Enquirer we have decided not to cover the rumors or salacious speculations. So I am asking you all not to blog about this topic until further notified.

If you have any questions or are ever in need of story ideas that would best fit your blog, please don’t hesitate to ask

Keep rockin,


And even the international press is reporting it:

John Edwards was fighting for his political future yesterday as America’s mainstream media began reporting a colourful scandal involving his alleged mistress, a disputed “secret love child”, and an altercation at a Beverly Hills hotel in the early hours of Tuesday morning.

I guess Johnny boy can kiss that VP slot goodbye.  Of course the press is still keeping a tight gag on this under the excuse that he’s not an elected official or anything.  Right.  And if this were some prominent Republican who is nationally known, had run for President twice, had been a Vice Presidential candidate and was under active consideration for the current VP slot they wouldn’t be saying anything?

Yes – we all know the answer to that one.

Final John Edwards Fabulous Facts

From Frank J and IMAO:

John Edwards’s abrupt decision to abandon his quest for the Democrat Presidential nomination was prompted by his sudden realization that he wouldn’t be able to have either Judy Garland or Ethel Merman perform at the inaugural ball.

John Edwards looks forward to Super Bowl Sunday every year, because all those folks at home watching the game means they’re not at the mall getting in the way of his shoe shopping.

* The truth in John Edwards’s secret heart is that he would gladly see EVERYONE in America living in poverty if it could somehow cause the development of a painless leg hair removal process.

* John Edwards doesn’t understand how people could accidentally grab two coffee filters. How could they lift them both?

* John Edwards Pet Peeve #53 – “waterproof” mascara that runs all over the pillow he’s biting.

* In John Edwards’s experience, ALL caps are childproof.

* John Edwards Pet Peeve #61 – getting poked by his underwire.

* John Edwards always takes it personally and starts crying when he sees a “no fat chicks” bumper sticker.

* John Edwards wonders – how DO people manage to wrap things in aluminum foil?

* Does anyone else think it odd that if you ask John Edwards for advice about jock itch, he’ll nod & say “Vagisil”?

* John Edwards is physically incapable of passing a women’s magazine rack without jealously hissing “siliconed hussy!”.

* Although usually a model of self-control, John Edwards will still occasionally slip and wink at a hot guy cruising by in a convertible.

* John Edwards’s saddest day wasn’t November 2, 2004, it was the day he realized that he would never be the guest of honor at a baby shower.

* John Edwards Pet Peeve #75 – returning his airplane seat to the upright & locked position and getting flung over the seat in front of him in the process.

* John Edwards puts the “man” in “manicure”.

* Although not famous for his pugilistic skills, John Edwards did once manage to bruise a banana while bloodying only two knuckles.

* John Edwards hates the look of his 5 o’clock shadow, but some days your hectic campaign schedule only gives you the chance to shave your legs first thing in the morning.

* At parties, John Edwards always whips out his wallet and starts showing off pictures of his hair dryers.

* America’s Funniest Home Video – John Edwards trying to pick anchovies off his pizza and being soundly defeated by the superior might of the cheese.

Oh John.  We hardly knew ye.