It’s not that these movies are completely unwatchable – some of them might look pretty. It’s just that evening thinking about these things seems to make me question where my soul has gone.
1. 2001 – A Space Odyssey
“I’m afraid I can’t do that Dave”. the only thing that is even remotely memorable from this snorefest. It might have been wonderful movie making technology in 1968, but its a sure cure for insomnia today.
2. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
I think the problem is the original material they are dealing with. I have tried 3 different times to read the Lord of the Rings books and after 30 minutes I’m still on page 3 and can’t concentrate on the material so I quit. The movies put me to sleep.
3. Anything by Quentin Tarantino
I don’t know where this guy grew up – and heaven forfend that anybody else still lives there. After hearing about the Kill Bill movies I didn’t even watch. Pulp Fiction was disgusting, degrading filth; Reservior Dogs was a gory mess – its just not even worth wasting your time watching anything he’s involved with.
4. An Affair to Remember
Cary Grant plays the character of our New President Messiah today. Too cool for school smartass who thinks he’s smarter than anybody in the room. And there’s a reason men don’t get this movie – its boring beyond words.
5. The new Oceans Movies
The first one was interesting only to see that Chinese guy fold himself in half. The rest are just a bunch of Hollyweird twits walking around and earning millions of dollars for looking pretty.
6. Lost in Translation
So an all-expenses paid vacation in a high-tech luxury world is too much for you Scarlett? Try working for an actual living and then see what you have to whine about. And does anybody in the universe believe that somebody like her would end up with a dead-looking Bill Murray?
And I mean both the original with Audrey Hepburn from before I was born and especially the excruciating remake with Harrison Ford as “wooden guy who has no expression”. Time actually reverses itself as this thing is being watched thus trapping you in an eternal loop of despair and boredom.
8. Any of the “Home Alone” movies
The smack of steel against flesh. And the conceit that little twerps are always smarter than adults. Begone you little twit – and take your ignorant parents with you!
9. Anything by Woody Allen since Annie Hall
Yes, we get it. You like New York and young girls. Very young girls. You are a dirty old man. Other than that you haven’t said anything worth noting in decades. Just play your clarinet and leave us alone.
10. The Way We Were
Pretty much anywith with Babs is unwatchable pap, but this one takes the cake. Commies win WWII and make movies while cheating on their spouses and being spied on by Joe McCarthy. With that song which will make your ears bleed.