The Best Obamafacts – Part I

I can also heal the deaf

I can also heal the deaf

From the People’s Cube:

  1. When a tree falls in the forest, Obama hears it.
  2. Obama can clap with one hand.
  3. Obama can calculate your guilt just by looking at the numbers in your checkbook.
  4. A microphone into which Obama has spoken, heals asbestos-related disorders and colorectal cancer by direct application.
  5. Every time Obama talks about “hope,” coma patients regain consciousness and chant “We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.”
  6. Obama’s famous stare once converted 15 Islamic fundamentalists into secular progressives, all of whom are currently employed by Countrywide Home Loans.
  7. Everything Obama touches begins to vote Democrat.
  8. More dead people voted for Obama than for any other Democrat candidate in the history of Chicago politics.
  9. The tingle that crawled up Chris Matthews’ leg has taken control of his brain and is reporting a full preparedness to take over the world.

There’s lots more there – some of my suggestions:

  • Obama can cause your tires to correctly inflate to the appropriate pressure just by laying hands on your car hood
  • The delay in announcing his Vice Presidential candidate is caused by the genuflection which instinctively is practiced by all in his presence, the inability of mere mortals to look him in the eye, the inarticulate wonder of his presence is causing some interview problems
  • The water used to wash Obama’s shorts has caused spontaneous reanimation of the dead

Good Barry – Bad Barry

The People Cube has the answer for all the Obamabots dithering over the sudden and complete policy changes currently being pronounced by the One True Messiah:

But it turns out that Obama’s sudden rightward shift has an easy and rational explanation: he has an evil twin who often poses as Good Obama and spouts disturbingly non-progressive views. The absolute resemblance of the Obama twins makes it almost impossible to distinguish between the two, although it has been reported that Evil Obama wears a goatee.

Separated from his evil twin at birth, Good Obama happily grew up among the friendly and altruistic Marxists, while Evil Obama had the misfortune of being raised by distant cousin Lynne Cheney and her conniving husband Dick. This explains Evil Obama’s bitterness that is causing him to cling to his Bible, guns, and victory in Iraq.