Obama can calculate your guilt just by looking at the numbers in your checkbook.
A microphone into which Obama has spoken, heals asbestos-related disorders and colorectal cancer by direct application.
Every time Obama talks about “hope,” coma patients regain consciousness and chant “We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.”
Obama’s famous stare once converted 15 Islamic fundamentalists into secular progressives, all of whom are currently employed by Countrywide Home Loans.
Everything Obama touches begins to vote Democrat.
More dead people voted for Obama than for any other Democrat candidate in the history of Chicago politics.
The tingle that crawled up Chris Matthews’ leg has taken control of his brain and is reporting a full preparedness to take over the world.
There’s lots more there – some of my suggestions:
Obama can cause your tires to correctly inflate to the appropriate pressure just by laying hands on your car hood
The delay in announcing his Vice Presidential candidate is caused by the genuflection which instinctively is practiced by all in his presence, the inability of mere mortals to look him in the eye, the inarticulate wonder of his presence is causing some interview problems
The water used to wash Obama’s shorts has caused spontaneous reanimation of the dead
What a shame that the city of Denver had to go and tell the American Criminal Liberties Union this:
Denver city officials on Wednesday sought to set to rest rumors about police equipment for the Democratic National Convention, saying they would not be buying devices that would incapacitate unruly protesters with sound waves or other out-of-the-ordinary technology, The (Denver) Rocky Mountain News reported Thursday.
Rumors had circulated that the city was interested in buying a system that, using sound waves, could cause people to lose control of their bowels. Because of the intended use of the system, it has been dubbed as the “brown note” in some corners.
But why are the Denver Police telling the Advanced Crime Litigious Union this information? Well, even before the convention this bunch is just expecting that somebody’s civil liberties will be trampled and they are planning on pre-suing the city for some unspecified reason:
The paper reported that the city provided to the American Civil Liberties Union an accounting of its secretive security plans for the August convention as part of a deal to delay a lawsuit against the city; the ACLU sued the city in May to pry more information about the $18 million plans to beef up security following protesters’ concerns.
Extortion – what a wonderful concept. Funny how the ACLU gets to pre-sue just based on their expectations.
Proving just how screwed up the whole of America has become – the city of Denver is making a strong outreach to the winos and drug addicts populating its streets to make sure they know they can stay there and continue to be a public nusiance during the Democrat National Convention:
Denver police Cmdr. Deborah Dilley has a message to the 3,900 homeless people who live in the city: You can stay where you are between Aug. 25 and 28.
Responding to rumors that Denver’s homeless would be bused to Pueblo or hauled out of the hip Lower Downtown area during the Democratic National Convention, city officials say they’ll bend over backward to treat them, well, democratically.
One man has loaned five flat-screen televisions for shelters so the homeless can watch the action live on cable television. An advocate is pushing for vouchers to movies, museums and the Denver Zoo so the population can enjoy the city’s cultural scene for free. There are plans for a voter-registration drive. One of the city’s ministries will run bingo games at night.
Where’s my flat-screen TV and voucher to go to the movies? Oh yeah, that’s right. I live normally and work and pay my bills and have a home. However, do drugs and alcohol and live on the streets and steal and harass people and break the law–well, that’s just fine with the lovely people of Denver and their policemen. In fact, they want to reward you for breaking the law.
Now why not go all the way and send a bum home with every politician in Denver? Have a bum sleep on your couch during the convention. Well, that would be actually inconvenient – so instead they will just use tax money to try and buy them off.
I sure wish I could think of good things like these from Frank J:
Now, the most obvious solution is putting them in some sort of cage with weaponry where only one leaves. I don’t think this will work for the Democrats, though, because they won’t think Obama with his saccharine message of hopey change can stand up to the vicious Hillary who has long thirsted for his blood. Instead, they need to compete on a plane Democrats are more familiar with.
How about they are each given a billion dollars in tax money, and whoever spends it all the first wins. They can’t just spend it on military weaponry (and, being Democrats, they wouldn’t want to), and instead have to spend it all on wasteful, counterproductive social programs. That would prove which one of them is the most hardcore Democrat.
Also, they could get a group of foreigners and Obama and Hillary could compete on who could befriend the most. Having foreigners like us is of the utmost concern to Democrats.
Oh the horror! Actually having to take a stand on the issue of whether you want to have a proclamation that any thug, anarchist, or terrorist can come to the city and wreak havoc is welcome? Immediately pulled from consideration, of course:
The Denver City Council today pulled a proclamation recognizing the rights of protesters at next year’s Democratic National Convention because it would not have passed.
The proclamation received attention because it was written by Re-create ’68 – a group of demonstrators whose website proclaims that it plans to make the violence-marred Democratic convention of 1968 “look like a small get-together in 2008!”
City Council President Michael Hancock said today that the measure “did not have the votes to pass.
“I would have voted no against it,” he said. “I think to vote ‘no’ would have given our police and those who are working hard on the convention a vote of confidence that we are prepared to do the right thing.”
Councilwoman Kathleen McKenzie had proposed the ordinance.
“I think some of the council members are getting cold feet,” said MacKenzie, who said she continues to hope that the City Council can offer a chance for public discussion and leadership for how the expected protests should be handled.
“I think how Denver handles it, how we look to the rest of the world, will matter,” she said.
Councilman Charlie Brown opposed the proclamation, saying it sent an insulting message to Denver police.
Instead of telling police how to do their job, he said, the city should send a clear message to protesters: “If you want to come to this town, you have to follow our rules.”
Who knew that Denver had a councilman who might actually stand up for the rule of law? For telling these hippie wannabes that they can take their stink somewhere else?