Supposedly told by Abraham Lincoln

One day a husband and wife were living peacefully in their cabin after more than twenty years of marriage. Suddenly a ravenous bear breaks into the cabin. The husband tells the wife to go to the corner while he fights the bear. The husband and bear go to it tooth, claw and Bowie knife. The carnage is terrible.

The wife, looking on from the corner, shouts out, “Go to it, husband!” Then she thinks for a second and shouts out, “Go to it, bear!”

Hippie Punching

Do your part today.
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If there’s one thing I’ve realized over the past few years is that hippies are not being punched quite enough, and I think the recent incident with Berkeley and the Marines shows the problem of not enough hippie punching.
So what has led to this dearth in hippie punching? Breakdown in family structure? Loss of prayer in school? Increasing childhood obesity? Prevalence of non-violent videogames? Whatever the reason, I think we need to spend more time telling the next generation the importance of striking hippies in the face with a fist. No functional society has survived hippies running around unpunched, and America will be similarly doomed if we don’t change our ways.
Our military is overseas killing terrorists — the violent form of the hippie — so they can’t be here punching hippies for us. We have to do that ourselves.
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Moose Burping Contributing to Global Warming

So the solution is to kill all the moose. Then the world will be SAVED!

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Amidst all the talk about carbon dioxide emissions and global warming comes news that Norway’s national mascot may be contributing to the destruction of the environment, through burping and other bodily functions.
But now some researchers linked to Norway’s technical university (NTNU) in Trondheim contend that moose are responsible for tons of gas emissions a year through their frequent burping and, well, farting.
“Shoot a moose and save yourself a climate quota,” joked moose researcher (and moose hunter) Reidar Andersen at NTNU to newspaper VG on Tuesday. He’s published a book on the life of a moose.
A grown moose will burp and pass so much methane gas in the course of a year that it amounts to 2,100 kilos of carbon dioxide emissions.

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