Pelosi to Join Borg Collective

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After 94 years of leading the Democrat-majority Congress, Rep. Nancy Pelosi retires to take the position as manager of a multi-billion hive mind of the Borg collective. “My previous existence as Madam Speaker, combined with cutting-edge plastic surgeries have fully prepared me for this dream job,” said the Democrat Representative from San Francisco. “Ever since I was a little girl, all I really wanted in life was to become a biomechanical hive queen in a Borg campaign to assimilate Earth and force humans to appreciate the benefits of enhanced living as mindless drones controlled by collective consciousness.”

Speaker of the House continued, “As soon as Walter Reed switches my vital-essence tubes and the architect’s plans for my plastic surgeries from Congress to the Borg Collective, I shall be able to administer the collective consciousness of a billion people, who speak not with a billion voices, but with my voice, which is the point of the exercise.

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