Frank J has an excellent follow up on the issue of Hippie Punching:
Q. Where is best to punch a hippie?
A. About the face. That’s where the hippie is most annoying.
Q. What is a hippie?
A. Generally, a hippie is an annoying, useless. Actually, less than useless, as they are not happy until they prevent other people from being useful as well. In fact, Scientists have determined that the only evolutionary purpose of a hippie is for punching as a stress release for productive members of society.
Q. Are there any other uses for hippies than punching them?
A. No, there are no other uses.
Q. Couldn’t they be ground up and used as chum?
A. They’re too gummy.
Q. Where do hippies come from?
A. There’s basically waste products of a productive society, as they only come from middle class to upper middle class families. Thus its important for parents to make sure they tell children the importance of not being a hippie while also making them cut the lawn and do other non-hippie, productive activities.
Q. Where can hippies be found?
A. Their main habitat is the college campus and can be found in the vicinity thereof. Occasionally they have mass migrations to city areas to work as a large group (a group of hippies is known as a “protest”) to make loud noises and annoy people. In this way, they are like geese, except with more excrement. Also, they have large puppets.